Whatever change you are seeking in your life, the first and most powerful point to begin is in changing your perceptions. We can't change others - in fact, when we change how we see the world and ourselves in it, we become aware of our true power and potential to achieve our goals and have no need to see others change.

 

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely"

Albert Einstein

Each person has a unique set of values, a hierarchy of the things which are most important to least important to them. These are not the usual values we think of such as  “integrity” or “honesty”, they are the things we see as so important we are compelled to fulfill them. Your values are not the things you think are important, they are the things you do.

 

If watching competitive sport is high on your values you will endure wind and rain and expense or late nights in front of the television to meet that value; if saving money is important you will make sacrifices in your spending while those around you might spend freely, if they place a higher value on acquiring objects of beauty or travelling to new holiday destinations. 

 

No one is right or wrong for their values. We cause ourselves unnecessary pain when we seek for other people to value what we value, or when we set unrealistic expectations on ourselves to live inside someone else’s values. Because our highest value is so important to us, we feel that it should be important to others and we can become frustrated as we make futile attempts to change those around us to our way of viewing the world. Or we end up experiencing depression or resentment because we deny what is truly meaningful to us in order to receive approval or attention from others.

 

When we learn how to communicate with other people in their values, we are able to reduce conflict and increase our connection to others – each one of us has a desire to be heard and to be loved for who we are as we are.

 

This doesn’t mean we deny our own needs or values – in fact, the more we are able to help others receive what they’d love to have, the more we receive what we desire.

 

Even small children have a set of values and we can see that they are all different. A girl who was challenging her family at the age of 3 was having tantrums if her favourite dress wasn’t clean to be worn and would often change 4 or 5 times a day. No one was surprised that she grew up to study fashion design and has had the commitment in a challenging industry to build a fashion label and online business.

 

Most of us will experience some changes to our values at different stages of our lives. Recognising our values provides us with a tool which makes the attainment of goals more achievable; we struggle less with what we think we should be doing and remain focused on the goals we wish to attain.

 

Anything which we feel we need more motivation to do is not really in our highest values, so it will always remain a struggle. When we know this we can let go of that aim as something we have taken on board from others by subordinating. Alternatively if the goal is important to us, we can link it to our highest values which makes its attainment more guaranteed. For anything that’s in our highest values does not require motivation – we will push ourselves through discomfort and pain in order to fulfill those values.

 

Call me if you’d like to know more about your own unique values and in order to learn how to communicate to others through their values for richer and more fulfilling relationships.

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Are you single and looking for a loving, connected relationship?

 

Are you frustrated by the search for the person you'd love to be with, or finding relationships don't last? 

 

Are you in a relationship and would love to find ways to communicate more effectively and enjoy shared goals?

 

Perhaps you're in a relationship and you'd like to become clear about whether it's the right one for you or to know if it's time to move on?

 

The most critical relationship is the one we have with ourselves. If we don't value and honour our unique gifts, it's unlikely others will.

Often when we feel a lack within ourselves, we yearn for others to validate our worthiness.

 

Yet it is only through recognising our own self worth that we become truly attractive to those who offer the opportunity of a relationship that is a partnership of equals.

 

It may seem counter intuitive, but the less we 'need' a relationship to feel fulfilled, the more likely it will become available to us should we desire that partnership.

 

Many who are in relationships are not enjoying the depth of connection or loving support they desire, and this work brings about the change that reminds people of the love that brought them together. Couples who have been frustrated and felt they had grown apart have experienced profound shifts in the space of several hours.

 

The majority of problems which occur in relationships arise from a lack of meaningful communication. When we learn how to speak to another in their values instead of expecting them to live inside our values, true connection is possible. We are caring enough to talk to them about what is important to us through their values, the things which are most important to them. It is about looking for a 'win win' outcome instead of sacrificing our needs to meet theirs or expecting them to do that for us.

 

Every one of us wants to be loved for who we are as we are, and by changing the way we communicate, we can enjoy rich and fulfilling relationships, even with a person we felt needed to change to make the relationship work.

 

There are many powerful processes to help you clear away the obstacles in the way of enjoying a relationship which is nourishing and rewarding. In my work with clients I use the techniques which will achieve the most effective results. We target the underlying issues and work to build self worth and enhance communication. Clients frequently report back with remarkable results soon after beginning this work.

 

 

Are you living week to week and can't seem to get ahead financially?

 

Would you love to stop worrying about money and start achieving financial goals? 

 

Do you feel like you've been working hard but can't seem to attain the financial security you desire?

 

Warren Buffett famously said "If you can't manage your emotions, don't expect to manage your money". There are countless ways to earn and manage income, but unless you are in charge of your emotions, none of those methods will provide the financial growth you desire.

Building self worth is a key element to financial mastery, as we often hold unconscious beliefs that we don't deserve wealth, which can drive our behaviour without us recognising the impetus. Clearing out shame and guilt from past events is a powerful process which helps us to bring those events into balance. When we retain lopsided memories they have a impact on our present thinking and behaviour; when we recognise the implicate order in those experiences we free ourselves to attain true wealth.

 

When we value our own worth, we value our time and our efforts and we manage both according to our sense of fair exchange. Any behaviour we would love to adopt in order to build wealth becomes possible when we link that behaviour to our highest values. Previously difficult tasks such as saving money or tackling difficult jobs become easier when we have connected them to our values - those things which are so important to us we will endure pleasure and pain equally in their pursuit.

 

When we raise our self worth, opportunities for making money become more evident; we spend more wisely and set aside money for savings in order to build financial security. Rather than being difficult, these 'sacrifices' and commitments become easier as we connect to our drive to achieve the end result.

 

In our culture there can be a judgement that wealthy people are greedy and selfish, yet major philanthropy is only possible with real wealth. When we give a portion of our wealth to causes which are important to us, our desire to build further wealth helps us to become creative in finding further opportunities for financial growth. 

 

Would you love to spend less time arguing with your children or hearing your children arguing with each other?

 

Would you like to know how to communicate more effectively with them?

 

Are you concerned about children who are not interested in school, or who struggle socially?

 

Even small children have values - things they prefer to do and things that are important to them. When we tune in to those values we can reduce conflict and improve our communication with them. When children feel that they are being heard and understood, they are more available to hear what we think is important.

 

It is also important for us to remember that conflict will always be a part of our lives and relationships, and it is managing it effectively which enables us to have more harmonious and productive households. Trying to avoid conflict will produce more frustration and resentment than recognising its value.

 

How could conflict be beneficial?

 

Life does not always give us what we want, but it does give us what we need to mature and grow. In order to grow, we need both support and the opportunity to respond to challenges.

 

Children who have experienced arguments with siblings develop strategies for communicating with others outside the home; they are less likely to crumble at the first insult in the playground.

 

Children learn that if they insist on having their own way others may not want to play with them and so they learn to compromise and co-operate; another child yelling “I don’t want to play with you” might be the most effective way for them to learn that.

 

A child who goads and teases another gives the recipient an opportunity to recognise manipulative behavior and make decisions about whether to react or to ignore the goading.

 

When we move away from the concept of  ‘bullies’ and  ‘victims’ in conflicts and instead ask how each child benefits from a situation, we help them to build strategies for achieving success in their lives. We assist them to become empowered and enable their innate genius to find solutions to conflicts.

 

When working with children I have been astonished by the complex arrangements they can develop to share or to organise their play. If we imagine there should be harmony at all times we rob them of their capacity to develop such strategies.

 

For parents and carers it’s often important to take a breath and ask ourselves whether we are trying to protect our own inner child when we intervene. If we feel upset because we believe that we were bullied, we can jump in to protect a child who then misses an opportunity to learn from the exchange. Any work we do to see the balance in experiences in our own childhood assists us to become calmer and less reactive in our dealings with children. Many parents I have worked with have been amazed by the change in their child’s behaviour, which can occur after they have cleared out old resentments from their own childhood.

 

This doesn’t mean that we don’t ensure that children are safe and set boundaries for them, but we don’t micro manage them either.

 

Call me if you’d like to discuss specific challenges with the children in your care and strategies for managing them.